What Not to Get Your Dog for Christmas! |
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[The following is an excerpt from "Doggone
Funny: A Book of Canine Humor" by Sandy Lindsey, reprinted
with permission from the author. If you enjoy this piece, you
can order it by calling 1-800-553-2061 or go to her website.
To subscribe to the free monthly e-mail "Sandy Lindsey Humor
Newsletter," simply send your e-mail address to selectfl@ix.netcom.com.]
1. A CD of cats meowing popular Christmas songs. 2. A chew toy with the head already gnawed off by his canine brother who chewed his way into the gift box around the 15th of the month. 3. A chew toy shaped like a shoe which he is immediately going to confuse with the right sneaker of your favorite pair. 4. Central A/C for his Dogloo when you're still using individual wall units that are barely up to cooling a small closet-sized area in your house. 5. Anything Garfield. 6. A remote control for the refrigerator door. 7. A knitted pink sweater that makes your macho doberman look like a poodle. 8. A deluxe pre-packaged treat-filled Christmas stocking that's large enough for you to use as a sleeping bag. 9. Doggie antlers when your near-sighted hunting relatives will be spending the holidays with you. 10. A stuffed toy dog with an angel's halo as a hint as to what he has to do to get more presents next year. 11. A doggie door between you and the suspicious butcher next door. 12. An audition for a diet dog food commercial where they feed him so much during retakes that he actually gains weight. 13. A piece of jewelry featuring a ceramic dog of his breed for you to wear. 14. His own Petsmart credit card. 15. A cat. |
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